Anger and Guilt

13 Nov

This morning I woke up angry.  It was a nice change from weepy. Against my better judgment, I texted him. He replied in his usual robotic, unapologetic tone.

I was still angry and told my friend about this morning, and she said some beautiful words to me: he doesn’t deserve your love, he doesn’t deserve your money, he doesn’t deserve your body, and he doesn’t deserve your brain. I must repeat this over and over.

Sometimes I feel like a giant whiney baby. I’m not out on the street. I’m not destitute. I have my wonderful family and friends. I have a job. I have a roof over my head. I know where my next meal is coming from. I have secured an attorney. I have a therapist. I have lots to be thankful for. I feel guilty for wallowing. This guilt is getting in the way of my healing, I think. I need to stop feeling guilty when I am crying. But I need to not let the sadness overpower all of the things I have going for me.

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