The Heartbreak Never Ends

23 Jun

I have been unable to stop calling my ex-husband. More often than not, I dial the number and then just stare at it before clearing the numbers. Sometimes I hit Call. I did that today after a particularly unpleasant phone call. I was told that the AT&T customer was unavailable at this time. Google tells me that he’s blocked me. I’m unbelievably embarrassed. I’ve become that insane ex-spouse who has gotten blocked.

At this point, I just want him to hurt as badly as I hurt. I want him to feel the pain I have felt not just from his leaving in such a callous manner, but the pain I’ve felt from being a complete moron and throwing myself into two different relationships that didn’t work out. I want him to feel what it’s like to have 3 heartbreaks in less than 9 months.

It’s been a shitty 6 weeks. First the second relationship I started that had such promise came to a screeching halt. I’m ashamed to admit that it put me right back to the place where I was after my marriage ended. Crying all the time, the works. Last week my dad ended up in the hospital and had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. I went home to stay the weekend, and when I got home, I got a text that my mom was in the ER. The texts came while I was having a shouting match with the first guy I dated after my ex.

I want to buck up. I want to embrace my singleness. This state is exhausting.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: