This Is What Recovery Looks Like

24 Jun

I saw my therapist today for the first time in probably six or seven weeks. It was the best thing I’ve done for myself in awhile. I had not gone because I was busy with work and because I was ashamed of having moved backwards. I felt like I was failing at recovery.

My therapist assured me that I’m not crazy. This is all perfectly normal. The relief I felt was so great. Grief is fluid, she said, and she is right.

When something like divorce or death or any loss happens, we want each day to be better. Unfortunately, that’s not the case all the time. Instead, this is what recovery really looks like:

chart

I think for me, I’m at that steep, long dip right now. I made the wrong choices at the beginning of this year. Instead of focusing on healing, I started dating. It was good for awhile, distracting me from my ex-husband. But now that both of those relationships have ended, I’m having to deal with three losses, even though two of them were most likely insignificant in the long run.

Another thing I started is a divorce recovery class. Each week, part of our homework is to call three of our fellow classmates. It’s kind of awkward, but so far I’ve had really great conversations with these folks.

We are using the book Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, which tells me that there are 19 building blocks to healing. I am eight months in, and I have a long way to go. I’m looking forward to moving forward with my fellow classmates. After my therapy session and my phone calls, I am starting to feel an infinitesimal bit of hope again. I’ll get through this.

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