Archive | October, 2013

One Year Later

7 Oct

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day my ex-husband asked me for a divorce. Guess what? I haven’t cried a single tear today. In fact, it’s been a fairly regular day. My sister-in-law and I had a massage and a facial this afternoon, just to treat ourselves to something nice. I had that to look forward to throughout the day, plus work kept me busy, so there wasn’t a lot of time to dwell on the significance of today. Or the fact that it’s my ex’s birthday.

I don’t think I would have imagined how OK I would be by this point. I don’t feel broken or incomplete. I don’t feel lonely most days.  I don’t feel hollow or empty. Some days I feel downright giddy about the sheer number of choices and options I have for my life. I can say with complete honesty that I am happier without my ex-husband and without my marriage. Do I still hate my ex? Yeah, I have to admit that I do still hate him and feel a good bit of anger toward him and the woman he left me for. I’m hoping that will dissipate as the months continue to separate me from that ugly end.

Over the past year, through countless hours of therapy, divorce support groups, 12-step meetings, and even a shaman cleansing; by talking with friends and family and strangers and reading self-help books and blogs, I’ve come to understand the huge role I played in the marriage falling apart. I learned that I wasn’t happy in the marriage. Things would have fallen apart eventually. He and I were no longer meant to be married. We wanted different things, and we had stopped loving and respecting each other. It’s a very painful lesson to have gone through, but can I say I feel some gratefulness that I have another chance to be the person I want to be? As absolutely shitty as this has been, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever knew and I know the things I want to work on to be a better person and someday–god willing–a good partner.

Appreciation

7 Oct

SA – For letting me stay at their house the second I heard the news. For walking my dog for me. For getting license plate lights. For letting me borrow his wife for hours on end.

SFA – For nearly canceling her vacation with her husband to stay with me. Letting me vent at all hours. Texting me. Hugging me. Feeding me.

EC and RV – For letting me stay at their house and letting me bring my dog. Giving me the best hugs in the world. Talking me through what I should ask for. EC – fixing my computer.

MF – For being my mom. For sticking around, even through my ugliest.

CN – For coming and staying with me and making my house immaculate.

JF – For being my dad and for his email. For the beautiful words he said to me.

MF – For being my amazing baby brother and always making me laugh.

GV – For lending me her professional counseling ear.

ABG – For being there from the absolute beginning. Letting me hug her baby. Letting me stay at her house. Talking on the phone with me for hours on end.

WB – For not hesitating for a second when I asked her if she could stay the night with me the first night I got back from my sister’s.

CV – For driving a bazillion hours to spend a long weekend with me.

JP and DP – For having me over to their house every week to watch one of my favorite shows. For feeding me. For diagnosing my car problems.

RP – For telling me that it didn’t matter what she was doing at the moment, she’d drop it because I was more important. Bringing me chocolate. Getting my girlfriends to sign a sweet card of encouragement.

TC – For taking me to lunch, for giving me hugs.

LA – For being my divorce-partner-in-crime, for letting me vent, for being an unbelievable sister-in-law, both before and after the divorce.

BP – For letting me store my memories at her house.

AR – For talking on the phone with me for hours at nights when I couldn’t sleep, despite the fact that we hadn’t talked in about 14 years.