Goodness after a Divorce

12 Dec

A few years ago I became obsessed with a quote from a Diane von Furstenberg American Express commercial: I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become. Most of my adult life, I’ve wanted to be creative, happy, giving, confident, kind, funny, outgoing, smart at my job. Ever since my divorce, I feel like I am actually becoming that person. It’s been so interesting to look back and realize how stifled I felt in my relationship. I was not a nice person. I did not like myself. I don’t blame my marriage, of course. It wasn’t my ex-husband’s fault that I had so much inner hatred.

My lovely former sister-in-law sent me the following blog post yesterday, and I felt like it was written exactly for the person I was during my marriage (except trade the daughter for ex-husband):

Money quote:

“I feel mad inside a lot. I often speak badly about myself in my head. I bully myself. And when I bully myself, it makes me unhappy and then I treat others badly—especially you.”

I’ve been working with my therapist on this exact thing – bullying myself and in turn bullying others. I’m learning to be kind to myself. It has made such a giant difference in my life and in my treatment of others. It feels mad cheesy, but when you try it you’ll wonder why you were so mean to yourself for so long. That blog post brought home just how important it is to treat yourself nicely. By working on not being an asshole to myself, I’m turning into that woman I wanted to become all those years: kind, happy, confident.

This whole working on myself thing made me even more excited when my SIL sent me this quote by Eckhart Tolle today:

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

For me the new thing to emerge is ME. A kinder, more awesome me. The me I’ve wanted to become for so long. This is good. There are so many good things that have come out of what I thought was the end of my world. I’m so grateful.


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